Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  April 26, 2024 1:25am-2:00am PDT

1:25 am
i held you in my arms and cried with you. - i figure i only need 100 or so more aborted babies, and i can finish up the kitchen. - aaah! - ahh, kyle. kyle. - hey, i wasn't kenny's worst f-f-friend. cartman was. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com journalists at comedy central, it's america's only source for news! this is "the daily show" with your hosts, jordan klepper and ronny chieng! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
1:26 am
>> jordan: welcome to "the daily show," i'm jordan klepper. >> ronny: and i'm ronny chieng. we've got so much to talk about tonight. college campuses are protesting, donald trump's enemies are surrendering, and the supreme court wonders if the president can kill you for fun. >> jordan: but first, donald trump is still on trial, so let's catch up with another installment of "america's most tremendously wanted." [cheers and applause] >> the whole thing is a scam. >> jordan: today was a big day for donald trump versus johnny law with the former president fighting the man at every level of the legal system. >> ronny: but things actually started off pretty good for trump. after months of calling him unfit for office, trump's attorney general bill barr said
1:27 am
he's voting for him anyway and trump responded with as much grace as you would expect. >> so the former president posting on truth central that "wow, former attorney general bill barr has just endorsed me for president, despite the fact that i called him weak, slow-moving, lethargic, gutless, and lazy based on the fact that i greatly appreciate his wholehearted endorsement, i am removing the word lethargic from my statements. thank you, bill was quote. [applause] >> jordan: donald trump is the king of pettiness. i am positive in an alt universe he was a sorority president just dripping with shade. it like wow, bill, i love that bikini, you are so brave to be wearing that, you go, girl! >> ronny: it does look like trump hates trump b6-kissers as much as the rest of us do. he'll be like kiss the ring and then when they don't he's like "i can't believe you kiss the ring, you little bitch."
1:28 am
>> jordan: trump was writing that sick burn high this morning although into court where he was confronted with testimony from the head of the "national enquirer," who wasn't afraid to spill some tea. >> publisher david pecker returned to the witness to him morning and explained how he engineered a deal to buy the silence of karen mcdougal, a "playboy" model who claims she had an affair with trump. pecker claims he had a deal with trump and his attorney michael cohen to be on the lookout for damaging stories about trump. >> he would buy stories that were unflattering to trump and then he would kill them to make sure they didn't become public. >> was today a bad day for donald trump? >> he -- look, i can't read his mind, but he looks pretty miserable. [laughter] >> jordan: really? he looked miserable? he's not one of those jovial criminal defendants? coming to court with a smile on his face and a spring in his step as he stares down a future full of prison gangs, public
1:29 am
pooping and shoddy heroin balloons migrating up his colon? >> ronny: he brought up that he buried negative stories about donald trump to help and win the 2016 election. it sounds crazy but you've got to remember this was way back in 2016 when negative stories were a bad thing. now we know that every new scandal just cancels out a different scandal until you become president. but because this is donald trump, he wasn't involved in just one court case today. while he was in new york, his lawyers were in front of the supreme court arguing that trump should have complete legal immunity for anything he did well president. and i do mean complete immunity. >> if the president decides that his arrival is a corrupt person and he orders the military or orders someone to assassinate him, is that within his official acts for which he can get
1:30 am
immunity? >> it would depend on hypothetical but we could see -- can see that could well be an official act. >> ronny: i object! to this guy's voice. can someone get him a lozenge or something. sorry, sorry, you may continue. how about if a president orders the military stage a coup? >> i think it would depend on -- >> that's immune? >> i think it would depend on the circumstances whether it was an official act. geico it for president sells nuclear secrets to a foreign adversary, if that immune? >> i don't know in hypothetical whether or not that would be an official act. >> ronny: can we stop giving trump ideas, okay! yeah, he's listening to this like "selling nuclear secrets, i should write this down." >> jordan: it sounded like there were loose pitching netflix action thrillers in the room. "in order to save his nation the president must strangle an opponent in a public deathmatch. liam neeson is...
1:31 am
immune from prosecution." [applause] very good. very good. the trump legal team doesn't really believe the total immunity argument. they are just bringing it up to delay his trials. it's kind of like when your kid asks for water at bedtime and you know they are just trying to delay bedtime because kids don't need water. >> ronny: i'm pretty sure kids do need water. >> jordan: no, you're thinking of plants. the wild thing is that the court's conservative majority seems like it's actually going to accept at least part of trump's argument. >> by the end of the hearing, the conservative majority seemed to express a desire to create some kind of limited immunity for official acts for presidents. feeling so this is where we are at: the conservative justices think trump should have immunity. the liberal justices don't. how about we meet halfway? incident of complete immunity, presidents get a hall pass of
1:32 am
five crimes that are totally okay if you have the chance. for example, mine would be bribery, insurrection, wire fraud, perjury, and lenny kravitz. money laundering! i mean money laundering! i got my hall passes mixed up. >> ronny: it is kind of crazy. the supreme court might actually make the president immune from the law. i mean, isn't this america's all thing is no kings? that's why the people through the tea in the river. what a waste! they could have kept all that! >> jordan: that's my main concern as well, ronny. of with all this, there is still a presidential race going on. so this morning, donald trump made a campaign stop on his way into court, and fox news was there to drink it up. >> breaking this morning, former president donald trump making a surprise campaign stop in the last hour at a construction site in midtown. >> he's taking his time with everyone talking to people, shaking hands, taking selfies. it look at him, this man with a hard hat taking a picture, thank you for being here.
1:33 am
patting his back, he grew up in new york, he grew up in construction on these sites and now he is talking to the men and women that build new york, that build all these buildings. he knows a lot about that, he's one of them. [laughter] >> jordan: he was clearly excited to be on a construction site, shake a few hands, pat a few backs, show them some advanced catcalling techniques, you know, the whole nine. >> ronny: and those construction workers appeared to really love trump. either that or they showed up with all their unpaid invoices. "can i get your autograph on this? initial here and here please, it's been years now." >> jordan: for more on donald trump stay in the courts and on the campaign trail we go down to the new york courthouse and michael kosta. [cheers and applause] michael! michael, you were with trump this morning at his campaign stop, right? >> yep, and once again, trump proved that he is a man of the people.
1:34 am
blue-collar workers, union guys, donald j. trump is one of them. clearly the j stands for "joe" as in "joe sixpack," "average joe," or "jolene" because of the adultery. >> ronny: right, right, he's an everyman, a regular person. and what the trumps lawyers argue with the supreme court today? >> their argument is quite simple, ronny. donald trump is not a regular person. he's not some blue-collar worker, or a union guy. donald j. trump is an untouchable godlike entity who lives above the law. right? clearly the j stands for "judicially immune from all prosecution forever and all time. amen." >> jordan: but michael, how does he square those two? that sounds totally contradictory. >> not at all. donnie trump is a guy you can imagine having a beer with. is also the guy who can murder the guy he's having a beer with because the law doesn't apply to him! he's like j.lo.
1:35 am
don't be full by the total immunity he's got, he is still donnie from the block. also, he's got a great ass. [laughter] three to michael, how is he at all the label to these construction guys? >> easy, ronny. trump speaks the lung which of common man. "hey, i'm walking here, on my way to overthrow the government here! and its legal what i'm doing under the auspices of an official act! hey! pepperoni!" >> jordan: so trump is a regular guy. >> no better than any of us. the one who is totally above the law. >> better than any of us. it's probably hard for caviar-slurping elitists like yourselves to understand, but trump is a lot like these construction workers. think of him as having a hard hat that protects him from any u.s. law. and some safety goggles that shield him from seeing any jail time, and of course a trusty
1:36 am
pair of work boots... >> jordan: let me guess, the work boots let him trample the constitution? >> no, the lift they provide highlights donald j. trump's great. clearly the j stands for "juicy caboose." >> jordan: michael kosta, everyone! when we come back we will talk about the latest college trend. [cheers and applause]
1:37 am
♪♪ bacon. bacon. bacon. introducing applebee's new whole lotta bacon burger. just $9.99 for a limited time. applebee's. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood.
1:38 am
[cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show"! let's talk about college, the place you go to learn and to meet the love of your life, until they get their tenure taken away or having sex with a student. of but in recent weeks, colleges across the country have become the site of mass protests against israel's war in gaza. this presents a challenge for the colleges. allowed and even disruptive protests are a cherished tradition on campuses and college investments in israel are a legitimate issue for students. but at the same time i'm at there's a real element of anti-semitism among some protests and jewish students have the right to feel safe at their own schools. so it's a delicate balance that requires keeping a cool head and listening respectfully. and above all, the colleges should not escalate the tension.
1:39 am
>> columbia university's president after the nypd to break up a tent encampment. >> 150 protesters were arrested at nyu in a demonstration. to speak of the university says it asked the police to intervene. >> jordan: okay, okay, yeah. just to be clear, i said de-escalate. de-escalate! >> chaos on the campus of usc as pro-palestinian protesters clash with school security and police. l.a. police officers in riot gear moving and there are a number of confrontations at the police force encircles the center of campus. >> jordan: does de-escalate not mean what i think it means? unescalate! reverse-escalate! at least don't make it worse! >> officers were sent in at the request of university and under the direction of governor greg abbott. >> abbott posted a social media post. the protesters belong in jail. >> send in the national guard and wake these kids up.
1:40 am
>> jordan: duties [bleep] ever think of a solution besides force? when this guy's wi-fi goes down, is he like "get the national guard in here, we need to [bleep] up my modem!" by the way, that man is senator josh hawley. you might remember him as the man who riled up a mob on january 6th and then ran to bitch once they showed up. [cheers and applause] personally, i might think twice the next time i endorse violence, but that's just me. >> ronny: and also, you don't use the national guard because students are camping on the quad. you use number when aliens invade and want to test the aliens weapon capabilities. "how strong other lasers? send him the national guard to find out." >> jordan: you are not going to resolve tension by adding violence. i'm spitball here. maybe instead of armed soldiers, why not try sending an the college improv troupe? a group of communications majors in bright colored shirts asking for a suggestion should clear
1:41 am
out a crowd in no time. [laughter] >> ronny: no, jordan, everyone knows that college improv makes everything worse. as will right wing politicians showing up on campus deal of the students. >> house speaker mike johnson visiting the columbia campus today. >> the cherished traditions of the university are being overtaken by radical and extreme ideologies. i am here today joining my colleagues and calling on b12 to resign if she cannot immediately bring order to this chaos. go back to class and stop the nonsense. wasting your parents money. >> ronny: yes, stop wasting your parents money. be like mike johnson, get into government and waste everyone's money. [cheers and applause] by the way, mike, if your problem is with anti-semitism, i completely agree with you that it's completely unacceptable, but maybe start with your coworker who believes in jewish
1:42 am
space lasers? i mean... >> jordan: i will say it's quite a flip-flop for republicans to be telling new york college kids to go back to their woke ideology classes. "you shouldn't be in tents, you should be studying essays on pornography by radical feminist andrea dworkin!" i can't think of anybody worse to give their opinion on how to protest the war in gaza. while... there is one guy. >> it's happening in america's college campuses is horrific. anti-semitic mobs are taking over and it's unconscionable. it has to be stopped. >> jordan: oh, thanks for taking the time to get your feedback, benjamin netanyahu! is there nothing else going on with you? b to this guy is like "the situation at u.s. college campuses is on acceptable, do you see how the buildings are not rubble? i am disgusted!" >> jordan: here's the point: is a lot of noise and plenty of bad actors, but fundamentally,
1:43 am
what's driving these protests his anger over israel's disproportionate use of force. so before we respond to the protests with disproportionate force, maybe we should listen to what they have to say, and then, if we still don't agree with the students, then we can send in the college improv troupe. when we come back, kyle chayka will be joining us on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause]
1:44 am
sometimes your work shirt needs to be for more than just work. like when it needs to be a big, soft shoulder to cry on. which is why downy does more to make clothes softer, fresher, and better. downy. breathe life into your laundry.
1:45 am
hello, ghostbusters. it's doug. we help people customize and save hundreds on car insurance with liberty mutual. we got a bit of a situation. [ metal groans] sure, i can hold. ♪ liberty liberty liberty liberty ♪
1:46 am
do you guys think we come here too much? ♪ your cousin from boston ♪ summer ale! octoberfest! winter lager! cold snap! nah! it's sam season i think we need a bigger yard, with our credit? ow, ow, ow, ow. credit karma can show us how to improve our credit for free, then we can get a place with a bigger yard. yay. intuit credit karma. download the app today.
1:47 am
to help save for our home, we stopped going on trips and giving each other expensive gifts. we handmade them instead. that one took me three weeks. getting prequalified for a home loan was easier. it only took like 3 minutes. - it■s you. - it■s me. i want my food to look the best it possibly can. i want my customers to look at that meat and say wow, like, real meat is something that you can taste the difference in. raised without antibiotics- all that stuff. it's good. it's quality food. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show"! our guest tonight is a staff writer at the new yorker whose latest book is called "filterworld: how algorithms
1:48 am
flattened culture." please welcome kyle chayka! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: kyle, kyle, i like this book, i will tell you why. i've been a grumpy ass-whole for years now and this book validates so many of the things i've been telling other people. tell me, how in my right? how do algorithms latin culture? >> yeah, how is everything gotten worse? i like seeing the sticky notes, by the way. a demonstration. >> ronny: i'm going to grill you on all of this. >> he's, it's like a quiz for me. i think we are surrounded by these machines right now which are algorithmic recommendations and everything from your email to your facebook feed to your text messages to a tiktok video, it's all sorted for you.
1:49 am
i think that kind of affects culture in two ways. as consumers we become more passive, we are more accustomed to just getting stuff handed to us that already agrees with our viewpoint and our tastes and then on the other side, the creators of culture kind of have to mold their work to fit these algorithmic platforms, so they have to figure out what works on instagram, what works on tiktok and then adapt their work to that instead of just doing what they might want to do on their own. >> ronny: i hate social media as much as anybody. everyone can testify to this. i [bleep] hate social media. >> jordan: i testify, yeah. >> ronny: but when we are talking about algorithms pushing tastes, i mean, just to be devil's advocate a little bit, we had aesthetics become popular before computers existed, so how much of this is algorithms and how much of this is just humans kind of finding a balance to what everyone kind of likes? >> we are always chasing each other, right?
1:50 am
culture is a process of copying stuff and finding a style that works in the mainstream but i think now we are just really in these funnels that are directing us in a bigger and faster way toward each other. >> jordan: our taste as part of how we define who we are and how we interact with the world and for me, the stuff i've grown to fall in love with, you find it -- before the internet, i'm that old emma but i fell in love -- the cool high school friend who recommends you liquid swords and you have a long commute to school so you play it and you sit with it and it becomes interesting and part of your identity and you find it and what i worry about with algorithms, are we executing serendipity? >> i think so in a way because everything is presorted to appeal to us. you are not seeing something that is totally outside of your frame of reference, so when your friend in high school recommends an album to you, there is this passion to that, there's a creativity so that, they really enjoy it so they want to give it
1:51 am
to you and you are more likely to sit with it and give it some patients and try to understand what they meant by giving it to you whereas one in algorithmic feed gives you something, there's no feeling there. there's no creativity, no enjoyment of that piece of culture, it's just that enough data suggested to a sorting machine that you would like this bit of stuff. and that is kind of depressing to me as someone who enjoys art and music. >> jordan: your data likes this, have more! stop at the bistro lead, look at the bistro lead. >> ronny: you guys are both brooklyn hipsters. you want some human to come and what's good. but what about the situations where we go on instagram or social media whatever and then they recommend something to buy and you go i actually like this. i actually do -- i hate to admit it but that got me. the algorithm got me, i bought this thing, you know, this chewing gum that comes from a tree in greece or whatever it was. and i actually enjoyed it, how
1:52 am
much of this is, you know, beneficial? >> jordan: not everybody has a cool high school friend, most people have a shitty one that should be replaced. >> i think sometimes the algorithms judge us too well, they know exactly what we are going to look at, they know what niche products we are going to want to buy like the resin gum. >> ronny: are you getting that too? >> absolutely! i am. well have those things that are like the algorithm says i must like this, therefore i like it. and so i think it just guides us towards those things and we feel an anxiety from being perceived to well and away. it's like oh, no, the machine knows me and i think that inspires bad feelings as well. in the book, i write about algorithmic anxiety, which is the academic term for basically the lack of power and agency you have in relation to the algorithm. you don't know how it works, you don't know why you are getting recommended resin gum from greece.
1:53 am
you just know that you have been evaluated and this is directed at you. >> ronny: but now i know that we actually might be friends because the greek gum thing. if you know t the one i'm talkig about. >> jordan: so they say if politics is downstream from culture and we all are moving into this flatten culture, what does this mean from 30,000 feet view what it does to our politics? >> ronny: when it comes to politics, maybe it would be better if we could move in the direction that schweiz the algorithm during the worst possible things? i mean -- >> it's totally true. it's like opposing forces in a way. i think culture is like a thing many people experience collectively. it's a thing that we can all enjoy together and away. >> ronny: sometimes. >> in a taylor swift context, everyone can like taylor swift. >> ronny: and we do! we do!
1:54 am
[cheers and applause] >> jordan: we all love her. >> so we could find the taylor swift for politics, that would be amazing. >> jordan: i think it's taylor swift. [cheers and applause] >> okay, we figured out, the algorithmic solution to politics is taylor swift. maybe it's just that there can be no one solution to such opposing viewpoints. >> ronny: than computers can't figure it out. >> the algorithm a is president unfortunately. >> jordan: how old is that algorithm? >> a lot of them are not that old, some of them are only a decade. >> jordan: it sounds like a decent option a lot of people can get behind. "filterworld" is available now, kyle chayka! we are going to take a quick break but we will be right back.
1:55 am
that salt could've ended up in a half-empty box in a half-empty pantry. but now, it's lucky enough to find itself circling a crisp, refreshing, dressed dos equis. congratulations, salt. to help save for our home, we stopped going on trips and giving each other expensive gifts. we handmade them instead.
1:56 am
that one took me three weeks. getting pre-qualified for a home loan was easier. only took like three minutes. fox scarf! oh! popeye's $25 tenders bundle is perfect for the whole family! you get 12 hand breaded chicken tenders, four sauces, your choice of four regular sides, four biscuits, and four small drinks for just $25! you can feed the whole family at a price you're gonna love! ♪ love that chicken from popeyes ♪ welcome to the credit karmaverse. here we monitor your finances and alert you to changes big and small, so you can enjoy less stress and more piece of mind. simply scan your screen to experience intuit credit karma for yourself. (♪♪) basketball's a very physical sport.
1:57 am
i get a lot of marks throughout the season. it's a sign of hard work. you've got to push yourself to the limit. having marks on your body is not a sign of failure, it's a step towards improvement. movement leaves marks. your antiperspirant shouldn't. degree ultraclear. nonstop protection against white marks. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: that's our show for the night! >> jordan: there it is, your moment of zen! >> we're trying to find out who is behind us because it's eerily -- you know, they all have the same tent. >> wider they all of them have the same green tents and the color fullness of them and they all match? >> guaranteed mommy and daddy bought it for them or some dark
1:58 am
money organizations because they all seem to match, don't they? - all right, mom, i'm all done wrapping dad's anniversary present for you. - oh, is it someone's anniversary soon? - oh, you. - just kidding. ooh, i wonder what it is. - it's a-- oh, shucks, i can't tell you. but it's really nifty. - well, it looks like we're gonna have to do something extra special for mommy and daddy's anniversary this year. how about on saturday we all go have dinner at bennigan's? - bennigan's? oh, boy, you mean it? whoopee! at bennigan's i'm gonna get the ranch hand baby back ribs. - calm down there, cowboy. you've still got four days. - four days? oh, i don't know how i'm gonna wait that long. - ♪ who's the boy that can laugh at a storm cloud? ♪ ♪ turn a frown into a smile for free? ♪ ♪ who's the kid with the heart full of magic? ♪ ♪ everyone knows it's butters ♪ - well, that's me! - ♪ who's the boy with eyes full of wonder? ♪ ♪ who thinks being yourself is the best thing to be? ♪
1:59 am
♪ who's that rascal with the tweezers in his pocket? ♪ ♪ everyone knows it's butters ♪ - well, that's me! - ♪ jumping in puddles, skipping down the hallway ♪ ♪ petting goats at the petting zoo ♪ ♪ he loves john all-way ♪ - elway. - ♪ who's that tyke with the cutest little dimples? ♪ ♪ batting his eyes at every puppy he sees? ♪ ♪ if you look inside yourself you might be surprised ♪ ♪ when you find a little boy named ♪ ♪ butters ♪ - that's-- that's me, yeah. three more days till we eat at bennigan's. that's 72 hours. oh, gee whiz. - well, if you two will excuse me, i need to go out and buy a certain special lady her anniversary present. - i hope he means me. - don't be silly, mom, of course he means you. - i'll be back in a little bit. butters, you're in charge of the house. - yes, sir! - oh, i wonder what he's gonna get me this year. - we won't know till we're at bennigan's. - every year it's the same. your father gets me some great gift, and my gift to him falls short. i've just got to outdo him this year. i've just got to! - dad's a good shopper, all right. - butters, maybe you could secretly follow your dad and see what he's getting me. - you mean spy on him?
2:00 am
but ain't that kind of like fibbin'? - no, it's a little different. you remember when the nice policeman gave you a badge and made you an honorary inspector? - sure, i do. - why, i think inspector butters could find out what daddy's getting mommy without him ever knowing. what do you say? - inspector butters is on the case, ma'am. - ♪ everyone knows it's butters ♪ - well, that's me! [ominous piano music] ♪ ♪ hmm, dad's going to see a movie. how nice. [doorbell rings] "white swallow bath house." - ♪ everyone knows it's butters ♪ - well, that's me! i'm back, ma. - oh, hi, sweetie. did you get to follow your dad around? - i sure did.

52 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on